Would you move if I were to push you

"'Nice' is the worst insult you could ever pay anybody. It means you are utterly without threat, without values. Nice is a cup of tea."
-John Lydon

Another late night.
I can hear movement throughout the house but I haven't seen anyone in hours. My final acting class is today in less than 9 hours and I have to say I'm glad to be done with it. I'm tired of trying to pretend like I care about it and so I'll repeat the memorized lines and say them with mock feeling. My heart just isn't in it.

I like to have conversations with people but I really don't like to listen.

It is now the first of June...I can't help but think back to a year ago and I can't believe how long it feels. This was not a year that flew by...it dragged. My 26th June...
I have a selective and short memory but every once in a while the trains make it to the station and I'm taken on a trip down memory lane of things I had forgot...and of things I wish to remain forgotten.

I'm anticipating the arrival of lightning bugs...and hoping this summer I'll make it out more...that I'll say fuck it and take those late night bike rides along the lake...find a place where the stars sneak through the glare of the city...and remember whiffle ball bats, canoe trips, campfires, skinny dipping in lake holiday, playing freeze tag in the park, slushyville run, the drive-in, hot and sticky sex, the smell of fireworks, tornados, car wash dryers with the windows down, downtown rooftops, amusement parks, road trips, outdoor concerts, and so much laughter. Times where all else is forgotten and you've found yourself completely in the moment...and you wish you could just stretch it out a little longer...keep it from becoming just another memory. There are people I miss so much it hurts but that memory isn't who they are anymore. We've all changed.

I hope to create that feeling once again this summer...a sense of impending danger and adventure...new friends...new experiences...and new memories.

It's just to bad nothing lasts.

Heat rises girl take a bow
hair clogging the drain
steam forming thoughts on the mirror
I had a dream of déjà vu