I'm awake

This is my last week of school for the semester and quite possibly for good. You would think by now I would be able to make up my mind about such things as school and what direction I want to go in my life. nope.
I have my final presentation for Visual Audio in about 7 hours. I have prepared a clip from the movie Jacobs Ladder that I feel does a good job of reinforcing the story with audio.
I took a long bike ride today...I stopped by a tea house near Belmont/Clark and had a glass of incredible Ice Green Tea...I'll be back for more soon. Found out that my little bike tool I bought really does come in handy...many things still needed tightening on my bike while on my ride.
I took the bike trail along the lake down to Grand Ave. then went to Virgin Megastore to pick up the latest Negativland CD/Book. Virgin seems to be the only store in Chicago carrying it at the moment. I then took off back to the bike trail and rode to the planetarium and found a nice place on a grassy hill to lay down my bike and read. It was an incredible view and a perfect day for just such a thing. Laying down in the grass looking over the lake. Turns out the Negativland book is an extremely good and interesting read.
After finally deciding that I had lounged around long enough I sadly left the planetarium and road the bike trail to Fullerton where I decided to ride through the parks and zoo area. I finally got on Lincoln and made my way to Got Pizza on Lincoln/Ashland/Belmont...they have amazing slices of veggie pizza.

Now I'm home...or this space...that has all my stuff. My mind is a complex network of worms waiting to go out in the rain and fuck. Harking back to the dead is pointless — a new generation has taken charge.

sol·ip·sism n. Philosophy
The theory that the self is the only thing that can be known and verified.
The theory or view that the self is the only reality.

well...I guess I'll try and get some sleep...I'll leave you with a poem I wrote for an old aquaintance...

A broken heart pulled the trigger in an ancient gesture
of jealousy and fallen kingdoms


Calvin Dowell told me how he laughed when he saw the classmate
pointing a gun at him in the high school cafeteria.
It sounded like a cap gun going off, didn’t even realize he had been shot until
he saw the blood and people screaming.


He awoke in the hospital freezing cold from the fresh out of the cooler blood the doctors transfused into him. A scar covered his neck like a handprint where the bullet entered.
I looked in childish envy at his hand covered with metal pins where the bullet had exited like a wrecking ball traveling down his arm.


I was thinking of these things as my mom told me on the phone that Calvin had just died in a car accident, just a month after getting married. I was disappointed in the only thing that I could manage to say,
“…that’s so unfair.”