A Small Heart

I saw my heart beating on a screen in a dark and chilly hospital room. Laid out on the table being smeared with lubricating jelly…I was having an ultrasound of my heart. It’s a boy.

The Conclusion is that the left side of my heart is on the small side. When telling this to my boss at work she replied, “so you’re like the Grinch.”

The chest pains have not gone away.

It’s been 2 years since Hunter S. Thompson killed himself. Time is crazy. I’m having doubts now that I’ll have enough of it. For what? Not sure.

I have come to the conclusion that the world is spinning faster and that gravity has started to squeeze and pull me down. I want to fight it but at the same time I want to lay down and just let it stick me to the floor like a never stopping Gravitron. I could vomit but it wouldn’t go anywhere. It never goes anywhere…just around and around and around.